Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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