Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
