I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize