Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
