So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
