did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
