So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize