oh god the rape fog is back!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize