Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
