I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
