butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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