it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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