I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize