Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
