Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
