he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize