why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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