I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize