i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
