remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
