We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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