I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
