In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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