oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
