My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
