I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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