I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
