with your own penis?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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