She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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