Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My life is pants optional.
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