you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
