why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
