Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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