new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
