remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
