Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
