I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
