girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
