You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
