he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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