Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize