Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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