Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
