So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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