found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
