totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
