just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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