You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
