I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
