Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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