Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I skipped work to stalk him.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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