So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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