i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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