No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
