after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
