What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
