I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
