I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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