his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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