Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
