I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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