I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
