Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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