Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
